It has been awhile since my last post. In that time nothing exciting has happened. I continue to write my missionary and am enjoying getting to know him. It's been fun and I love writing once a week without any stress or worry about meeting or dating. Obviously that will change in March when he comes home and I will actually get to meet him, but I won't worry about that for now.
I did spend an afternoon with a good friend (not an available one) but it reminded me how nice it is to spend time with someone who actually knows you at your best and worst. No judgment or trying to impress. I could just be myself and talk openly about anything. It was refreshing, when you date you are on your best behavior, but to hang out with someone who has seen all sides of you, all the masks are gone. This is someone who nothing will become of as they have found their person, but it made me realize that the openness feeling is what I should be striving to find in someone. With every guy I've seriously-ish dated I was friends first, all but one. I have managed to stay friends with all of them as they have moved on in their own lives. Yet the one guy who I honestly thought was the one but who also broke my heart does not fit this. I think because we were not friends prior to dating and being in a serious relationship from the very start has made it hard to have a friendship after the fact. I mean we text once in a blue moon and catch up, but it is not the same as everyone else who I feel I still have a good connection with. Which goes to show that being friends first before starting a romantic relationship makes a difference and builds a stronger foundation.
All that being said I don't go on dates any more. I will occasionally get on Match just to check out who's viewed me, but that is it. My subscription expires on the 31st and I think I'm going to let it end. I'm just not interested in what I'm seeing and am getting to the point I don't care and am happy with being single. I have new responsibilities at church where my time and energy will be focused and I don't need the distraction. That being said I am not opposed to being set up or the idea that you really can meet a stranger in some situation where there is a connection and you get to know each other more. Those two possibilities aside that about covers what kind of dating I will be having in the new year. Yes I still feel the twinge of loneliness but it soon passes and I get busy with life.
For years I have felt like I am that old and unmarried person but everyone disagrees that I'm still young with lots more years of opportunity. So I've been thinking that maybe they are true and so I'm giving myself a two year pass. Until I turn 35 I'm not going to worry about being single then I will re-access where my life is. I grew up in a culture that everyone got married young, usually their early 20s, but in the real world most people wait until their 30s to get married. So really I'm right on track age-wise with the world. Hopefully my time will come. In the meantime I have been greatly enjoying the perks that being single brings. Why I wasted my 20s whining and being sad about single when I should have enjoyed being able to do whatever I want, whenever and however I like. I am responsible for only me and do what makes me happy. Yes one day I can share my life and what comes with it, but for now I'm happy with my own little world.
I'll keep you posted if things change, but there might not be too many stories for awhile. Definitely March will have some interesting information. I still go out with Jeff, but we've made it clear we are only friends and that has really worked for me. Maybe I'll add my new year's resolutions once I think about them. Take some reflection over this last year as it has been a good one with much more maturing and all that comes with that.
