Asking him out

Quick updates first: Brett has completely fallen off the earth and doesn't text me anymore.  His loss!  I know Dustin is on vacation in Alaska but both times I texted before his trip I have not heard back.  I'm hoping he is just busy and now away fishing and I'll hold out for him as we are getting closer to the date and he gets the benefit of the doubt.  If we pass July with no date, then I'll let it go.  Jeff and I went to a concert and I've decided as long he is not making any actual indications he wants our hanging out to be more than just a friendship, then I'm not going to say anything about it.  I also went on a date with someone new.  Had a dinner date with James and it was really fun.  We talked for hours and had a nice time.  He even brought me an orchid plant as a house warming gift, very thoughtful.  Conversation was great, not sure how I feel about him, but he would make a great friend to do things with.  I think there will be potential of hanging out again sometime.

While on that date I realized that I make a great date.  Regardless of how I feel about the person every date I go on is fun with lots of conversation and laughs.  Sometimes that is the only time I go out with that person but I hope I always leave a good impression.  I know for some people meeting online dates is scary and they don't know what it will be like.  I'm no longer nervous to go on dates so I am relaxed and completely myself which helps me and the person I'm with.  I hope that everyone I ever go out with has a great time and leave with a positive outlook on meeting new people either as blind dates, setups or from online.  I'm hoping that one of these days these fun dates will be with someone I truely connect with on all levels and turns into something special.

So there is this guy at the gym, Chad, who over the last almost 2 years have been talking and flirting with.  I noticed him long before we ever spoke to each other.  My best friend Aimee helps with conversations and we've found out lots of things about him.  Most importantly that he is single!  So over all this time we talk to him almost every time we are at the gym, 4 days a week.  Sometimes I really get the vibe that he is interested but he doesn't make the move and neither have I.  I've dragged my feet long enough.  Now is the time to act.  Figure I'll ask him if he's interested in hanging out sometime in a non-gym setting and we'll see what happens.  I would really like to get to know him on a one-on-one basis.  I've been attracted to him since the first time I saw him long before we ever talked.  I'd like to now know him on the next level that's more personal.  I've had many opportunities and have manged to not act every time.  The next opening I get, I'm taking it and we'll see what he says.

Waiting

It's two and a half weeks until my date with Dustin.  I'm both excited, nervous and trying not to overthink it.  We've texted and he just says fun things and great at flirting.  He's going to Alaska and playfully said 'come with;)' and that we can go together the next time.  Of course we can discuss after our post 7/30, all of which sounds good to me.  I like that his comments make me feel special and that he definitely seems to be a take charge kind of guy.  But as excited as I am the voice of uncertainty gives me a moments pause.  I've had people play games many times and they can start out like this and then quickly die off into nothing.  I hope that when we meet there are sparks and interest on both sides.  I begin to doubt that things will work out for whatever reason and realize I hold myself back and create the problem.  I need to learn to rethink meeting people and go with an open mind that maybe the next one could be it (rather than all the reasons it might not work) before I meet them.  I worry too much and I'm trying to find a way to let go and see every person as potential and stay out of my head.  If I can't change my thinking the result will continue to be the same because I'm putting out a negative vibe to the universe.  I need to remind myself that I would never say yes to someone I'm not 100% into, so there is no reason to fear being 100% out there for the person to get to know me.  Fingers crossed that this date goes well!

I've decided to give up on Brett and let that go.  He barely texts anymore and getting him to go see a movie has been way too difficult.  This proves my point that I don't want to waste my time on guys who will make no effort to date me.  I want the person I end up with to be someone who moved heaven and earth to make the time for me and made me a priority as that is what I deserve.  I am a bit disappointed as I would have liked for us to have given dating a chance, but he has yet to step up so I'll let it go.

I'm in a good place mentally.  I'm excited about the upcoming date but staying very reserved and I'm ok with my life currently.  I'm back to working on house projects and have enjoyed my time at home.  Hopefully I can branch out even more and get outside and enjoy the summer as well.  But I'm ok with guys not being in my life for now and I am happy.

And they keep coming

Fact:  The more you log on to Match.com the more people who wink, email and want to get to know you.  A guy emailed me about a week ago and we had some nice emails back and forth, then he sent me his phone number and we switched to texting.  I'm going to say this guy is really good looking, almost to the point I'm not sure I'm in his league, but I've got a ton of photos posted so he knows what I look like.  He doesn't live in the state and is divorced with an adopted daughter which are normally not my scene but I'm willing to make an exception.  He sent the best text messages and pleaded for me to go out on a date with him.  He travels to Oregon frequently so the possibility of more than one date is there.  I have to wait about a month before his next visit here, but I'm excited to see what happens.  Here is a guy who is taking action and making the effort. He was going to research a place for dinner and joked he was willing blow off a meeting with a CEO in order to go on a date with me.  I just want to feel special and important and so far Dustin seems to be willing to do that.  We don't text much as he is also a busy guy who travels a lot, but until we meet and see what happens I like the slow approach and getting to know him once we meet.

I went on a date this last weekend with a guy named Jason.  Went to a very nice resteraunt for a first date.  We were there 4 hours and had a lot talk about.  While we were chatting I realized that I need to be more open minded about the people I date.  It went well but I did not get the impression there was be another date.  I mentioned that we should hang out again, but didn't get much of a response.

An update on Brett, I wore my big girls pants and asked whether or not he was still in a relationship and no he is not.  I also told him that I liked him, we have always had good chemistry over the years and now I can enjoy the fact that I like him.  He agreed about the chemistry and seem to take my comments well.  My one thing is that everytime I ask if he wants to hang out all I get are maybes and possibly, not quite the response I want.  Also he seems to have gone off the radar, texting has slowed down and now can go days where I don't hear from him.  I'm not sure if my comments have freaked him out, or if he's busy, or if all this is nothing more than a game.  I don't want to spent time with him half way.  Either we are friends only, no benefits or I think we should give dating a shot.  For now I'm just going to ignore and leave things be.  I will repeat again that as hard as it is to be patient I truely want to be with a guy who wants to be with me and will make the effort.

Feast or famine; boys falling from the sky who want to spend time together or nobody.  As of today we are at the nobody stage again.  I'm trying my best to get back to that place of not caring, leaving things be and just going on in my life without a thought related to the man world.  Problem is everytime I get to that awesome place of moving on some guy falls in my lap and we begin this twisted dating/relationship game again.  My life is better when the ups and downs of dating are non-existant and I'd like to stay that way, but that always seem to attract a new guy, go figure.  The statement 'it happens when you are not looking' is very true.  My only issue with it is that when I'm not looking it happens but does not continue to the next step.  Instead I end up hurt and broken again and would be much better off if it had never happen.  I'm tired of the failures in dating.  I want a relationship that will last and turn into a marriage and a family.  I'm not asking the impossible, other people have it, it would be nice to be my turn soon.

For now things have quieted down and I'm working back to emotional ambivalence and refocusing on myself and being happy in the life I have.  We will see what comes next.....