Lightening has struck.... Before getting to go on our second date Kyle and I could barely contain our excitement about seeing each other again. Longest two days ever! The day before our 2nd date we texted all day followed by two long conversations on the phone just finding out all the other things we have in common! Wednesday finally arrived and he came to pick me up. He was just as wonderful as I had remembered. He had said dinner and it was a surprise we he took me to his home and made me dinner. He informed me that only very special people get made his chicken parmasan and I definitely felt special. Not only did he make dinner, do the clean up, he packed up the leftovers so I could have lunch the next day! Then we spent the rest of evening just talking about each other, family, everything. The joke is that his lips slipped and thats how he kissed me. He's wonderful in every way, especially the important ones. I feel completely grateful to have met such an amazing guy!
It is hard for me to explain it. Kyle sees me, my true self all the way to my soul and loves every bit of me. Thankfully he is as blown away as I am about what has transpired in the last few days as it has never happened to him before either. I had lost all hope and he didn't think someone like me existed. And yet somehow in this big, wide world we found each other and are a perfect fit. I have found Mr. Right for Me and could not be happier. Prayers have been answered!
Now as we have planned every day and all the days after to spend time together we can continue to progress and build on this relationship that hopefully will go all the way to the end. I miss him constantly and look forward to the next time we are together. It has been a long wait with countless failures and pain, all leading up to finding the one that erases everything in the past and shows there is a promising future!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Something New
First Match.com date is a really cute guy named Kyle whose profile I saw and had to send a wink. This was followed by an email from him, then an evening of IM on the website. I gave him my number and the next night we talked for over an hour on the phone. So nice to meet a cute, sweet, attentive guy with who you have some of the more important and quirky things in common. Without hesitation we decided to go out the next day. We met at Starbucks, very safe and public, got hot chocolates then headed to Forest Park for a hike to the Pittock Mansion. Great thing about this date is that it gave a lot of time to talk and get to know each other without other distractions. I played the part of a good listener as he was the more talkative one. We then decided to extend the date some more and head into Portland for "linner", not quite lunch or dinner lol. He was funny, comes from a great family background, works with kids and loves special ed (this was the main selling point). On top of all that we had so many things in common, and not just the usual things but some of the more odd things. He was just as happy as I was to find someone else in the world who liked the stranger things. By the end he expressed a lot of interest along with lots of side hugs, I think to break the touch barrier. So nice to go out on a fun date, with great company and know that they really liked you. We set plans for the next two dates and I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to stay open minded and let things go at there own pace. Again all of dating is just an experiment so the end outcome is never known or decided until to reach it. And if for some reason it doesn't work out, there is an entire site of men waiting for their turn to date me (maybe just a little over confident at the moment lol) Let's let it at hope for a great 2nd date!
A New Avenue
As much as I keep trying to give up online dating for the various good reasons, I still can't completely let it goes as it seems to be the only way of meeting people. But with all the weirdos and failures I have taken a step back to reassess what I should do. The answer....join Match.com lol!
I know what you are thinking, another online dating site but let me explain myself. First it is a different approach as most of the people from Match are not from my church which is where I have been doing most of my online dating. Whether or not people agree with me going outside the realm of dating within my religion, the opportunities have been remarkable. Within 3 days of being a paid member of Match.com I had 6 people asking to meet me, 2 of which were serious enough to recommend actual days and one of the two having already taken me out. Almost everyone I wink or email are people I'm attracted to, within my own age and best yet live in my area. Gone are the days of meeting people online who live nowhere near my state. I now have the option of meeting people soon after being introduced online and because of the close proximity can spend as much or as little time together without the issue of long distance.
It's like the dark cloud of online dating has been lifted and I am now priviledged to have dating options I've never had before. All this time I just assumed that because of the sites I had been using that the days of cute nice guys, who live in your area, with similar interests were gone. In 3 days I've been proven wrong. There have been no creepers, weirdos, dirty old men, etc. Everyone, even those that I am not interested in have been complete gentlemen. Everyone is polite, open, complimentary in an appropriate kind of way, its just so shocking I wish I had made the switch sooner.
The guys on Match that I'm talking to are all in their late 20s, early 30s and looking for a girl to settle down with. They are finished with school, in their careers and own homes. They are done with the pary life and ready to find someone to be serious with. This is exactly what I've been looking for. On the LDS dating sites most of the guys seem to be looking for hook ups, fun and nonsense. They are not seriously looking to settle down as they are still playing harder than focusing on the more important things. And lets face it, those sites are riddled with predators. Yes that can happen on any site, but it is apparent just in the setup on Match.com that they take serious precautions of screening photos, captions, posts, etc. I feel safe using their site which is hard to find in the online world. No wonder they are well advertised with such a good success rate of getting couples together, its because they are running their site in the most effective way. I have never been more pleased or impressed.
With so many opportunities of people to meet in my own area I have complete control of how fast or slow I want things to go. Before you get a bone thrown your way once in a blue moon and half the time you aren't interested. Now I have pages of men I'm interested in, who are interested in me, that I can take my time screening and getting to know before I meet. And the best part is because they are so close that the site is nothing more than a way to be introduced. No more waiting to meet, or getting attached via other methods like phone and email that can cause so many issues. It's be introduced and then meet, almost like the normal way! I'm liking these new opportunities, next comes more dates!
I know what you are thinking, another online dating site but let me explain myself. First it is a different approach as most of the people from Match are not from my church which is where I have been doing most of my online dating. Whether or not people agree with me going outside the realm of dating within my religion, the opportunities have been remarkable. Within 3 days of being a paid member of Match.com I had 6 people asking to meet me, 2 of which were serious enough to recommend actual days and one of the two having already taken me out. Almost everyone I wink or email are people I'm attracted to, within my own age and best yet live in my area. Gone are the days of meeting people online who live nowhere near my state. I now have the option of meeting people soon after being introduced online and because of the close proximity can spend as much or as little time together without the issue of long distance.
It's like the dark cloud of online dating has been lifted and I am now priviledged to have dating options I've never had before. All this time I just assumed that because of the sites I had been using that the days of cute nice guys, who live in your area, with similar interests were gone. In 3 days I've been proven wrong. There have been no creepers, weirdos, dirty old men, etc. Everyone, even those that I am not interested in have been complete gentlemen. Everyone is polite, open, complimentary in an appropriate kind of way, its just so shocking I wish I had made the switch sooner.
The guys on Match that I'm talking to are all in their late 20s, early 30s and looking for a girl to settle down with. They are finished with school, in their careers and own homes. They are done with the pary life and ready to find someone to be serious with. This is exactly what I've been looking for. On the LDS dating sites most of the guys seem to be looking for hook ups, fun and nonsense. They are not seriously looking to settle down as they are still playing harder than focusing on the more important things. And lets face it, those sites are riddled with predators. Yes that can happen on any site, but it is apparent just in the setup on Match.com that they take serious precautions of screening photos, captions, posts, etc. I feel safe using their site which is hard to find in the online world. No wonder they are well advertised with such a good success rate of getting couples together, its because they are running their site in the most effective way. I have never been more pleased or impressed.
With so many opportunities of people to meet in my own area I have complete control of how fast or slow I want things to go. Before you get a bone thrown your way once in a blue moon and half the time you aren't interested. Now I have pages of men I'm interested in, who are interested in me, that I can take my time screening and getting to know before I meet. And the best part is because they are so close that the site is nothing more than a way to be introduced. No more waiting to meet, or getting attached via other methods like phone and email that can cause so many issues. It's be introduced and then meet, almost like the normal way! I'm liking these new opportunities, next comes more dates!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Letting it go
In talking with my girl friend who is also in the dating scene we have come to a few conclusions about online dating. First that guys are completely oblivious that their actions have some serious affect on women. Actually I should begin with their profiles first, guys have no idea how to post photos of themselves. All the self pics in the bathroom mirror, really you don't have a friend to take a good photo of you? It amazes me how many times the photos posted look nothing like the person or don't do them justice. I'm all for a guy being surprisingly better looking in person than their photo but they should be clear enough to tell what they look like. No girl is going to go for the guy with the really weird pictures of himself pulling odd faces, doing strange things. Although I don't normally look at the women's profiles but maybe they are posting the same weird stuff.
Next the real issue which again takes me back to past discussions is needing to meet people in person fairly soon after meeting online. Case in point, you build up a connection and relationship through the various methods of texting, emailing, talking on the phone but until you meet you are never 100% sure of what you really think of the person. So when you do meet and things don't turn out quite what you expected and that connection and relationship is broken and ends, even if it was your decision you wonder why you still miss and want that person. You know its not going to work for whatever reason and yet you can't let it go, why is that? Answer, because you created a bond with someone prior to meeting and it ended, you have to accept the loss of the great connection you had before you met and then move on.
Both my friend and I are having that exact issue of trying to let go of liking someone that didn't quite work out. Everyone likes the attention from a guy and its always hard when its gone. But hopefully you meet someone new and then you move on from the old on to the new. Let's hope with better results.
Next the real issue which again takes me back to past discussions is needing to meet people in person fairly soon after meeting online. Case in point, you build up a connection and relationship through the various methods of texting, emailing, talking on the phone but until you meet you are never 100% sure of what you really think of the person. So when you do meet and things don't turn out quite what you expected and that connection and relationship is broken and ends, even if it was your decision you wonder why you still miss and want that person. You know its not going to work for whatever reason and yet you can't let it go, why is that? Answer, because you created a bond with someone prior to meeting and it ended, you have to accept the loss of the great connection you had before you met and then move on.
Both my friend and I are having that exact issue of trying to let go of liking someone that didn't quite work out. Everyone likes the attention from a guy and its always hard when its gone. But hopefully you meet someone new and then you move on from the old on to the new. Let's hope with better results.
Monday, March 19, 2012
The weekend visit
Well I survived the weekend away to visit Kiel. I had a great time overall. Got to go golfing, see a few good movies and have some relaxing downtime. I enjoyed having some guy attention and have already decided I'm missing it. It was nice to just be able to hangout with someone you like and can have a good time with. There were a lot of things I really liked about him and then some things that didn't quite gel together. I've decided that what really matters is for the first time in my life I'm dating the normal way. Yes the overall start of dating is more unconventional, but it seems to be becoming more normal in this day and age. It only took 10 years but now I am meeting nice guys, that I think are cute, and that I have interest in. Whether they work out or not isn't the point, just that I'm finally getting the opportunity to date potential guys.
Yes I'm still my crazy self sometimes that likes to sabotage things, but I figure with enough dating practice that might lessen until its no longer an issue. Also I think I know what it is that I am looking for and with enough opportunities to date I will be able find someone with those traits. Of course no person will have everything, but its good to realize what parts are most important. It really is the little things, not what's on some 'perfect guy list' but a feeling that you recognize when you are with someone who has it, or who doesn't. And until you get to meet someone in person and get to know them you just cannot know if they are what you want. This is really what you are looking for....someone who moves on your same wave length. They get you, understand your way of thinking, mirror your ideas, it's any number of things. Those times where you meet someone and go, "we just get each other," thats what I'm looking for. Everyone is different with separate interests and tastes, but it's how you feel in the way you communicate and react to one another that makes a difference.
I don't think I have found what I'm looking for yet. As much as I like Kiel and would love to get to spend more time hanging out I don't think it will go farther than that. There are some things for me that are very important and what I want in the future relationship that weren'tquite there. It is nothing against him, just not quite the right fit for various reasons. I am proud that I am still willing to take risks to meet people and get to know them to see what might come of my efforts. Hopefully one day it will all pay off!
Yes I'm still my crazy self sometimes that likes to sabotage things, but I figure with enough dating practice that might lessen until its no longer an issue. Also I think I know what it is that I am looking for and with enough opportunities to date I will be able find someone with those traits. Of course no person will have everything, but its good to realize what parts are most important. It really is the little things, not what's on some 'perfect guy list' but a feeling that you recognize when you are with someone who has it, or who doesn't. And until you get to meet someone in person and get to know them you just cannot know if they are what you want. This is really what you are looking for....someone who moves on your same wave length. They get you, understand your way of thinking, mirror your ideas, it's any number of things. Those times where you meet someone and go, "we just get each other," thats what I'm looking for. Everyone is different with separate interests and tastes, but it's how you feel in the way you communicate and react to one another that makes a difference.
I don't think I have found what I'm looking for yet. As much as I like Kiel and would love to get to spend more time hanging out I don't think it will go farther than that. There are some things for me that are very important and what I want in the future relationship that weren'tquite there. It is nothing against him, just not quite the right fit for various reasons. I am proud that I am still willing to take risks to meet people and get to know them to see what might come of my efforts. Hopefully one day it will all pay off!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Panicking
I'm going this weekend to meet Kiel and today I am about to lose my mind to panic. We have spent the week talking for hours and hours on the phone and I think I'm starting to like him. I, of course will be very hard and somewhat judgemental still as a way to keep my eyes wide open while I get to know him in order to not miss anything I should be concerned about. I have to say that I am still amused by the double standard game I play. I hold Kiel to a higher standard than I have other people and not sure if that is a good or bad thing. I always go into things with a view of dislike/distrust until I begin to feel sure that its worth my time to allow an emotional connection. With as many conversations as we have had, I have a reasonable view of him as a person and we are a lot alike. I don't want to let being too picky wreck things, but its hard not to stick with what I know.
Where I think most of the panic is coming from is that when we meet I will either like him or I won't, plain and simple. Either way it's got me all stressed out. I'm convinced dating never gets easier no matter how much you do it. I don't want to read into things before meeting or allow myself to get excited or feel any emotions. I tend to go head first, eyes closed when I meet a guy I like and it never turns out well for the obvious reasons. Problem is this guy really likes me already and I hope not to disappoint, which is also a possiblity.
This brings us back to a past post where I talked about the issues brought on with online/long distance dating. The longer you wait to meet the more you get to know someone without the in person piece. You build relationships and create emotional connections without actually connecting with them as a face to face person. It doesn't matter how much you like someone online if you meet and the attraction and connection is not there, then that's it. Nothing is more disappointing than thinking you've met a great guy who you connect with, have great conversation with and could see something with, only to meet and not have the physical connection. Not a good way to do things and it leads to hurt and disppointment, because you can't force things that don't work. There is nothing wrong with long distance relationships as long as you have met the person first and created a connection prior to do doing things from far away.
So we'll see how it all turns out. The 'what if I do like him' outcome is also stressing me out because then I'll have to deal with feelings and making decisions if there is long term potential. Ok I really need to shut my brain completely off and save myself from thinking. Regroup...I will go with the mindset that we are new friends getting to know each other more and then see where things go from there. Wish me luck!
Where I think most of the panic is coming from is that when we meet I will either like him or I won't, plain and simple. Either way it's got me all stressed out. I'm convinced dating never gets easier no matter how much you do it. I don't want to read into things before meeting or allow myself to get excited or feel any emotions. I tend to go head first, eyes closed when I meet a guy I like and it never turns out well for the obvious reasons. Problem is this guy really likes me already and I hope not to disappoint, which is also a possiblity.
This brings us back to a past post where I talked about the issues brought on with online/long distance dating. The longer you wait to meet the more you get to know someone without the in person piece. You build relationships and create emotional connections without actually connecting with them as a face to face person. It doesn't matter how much you like someone online if you meet and the attraction and connection is not there, then that's it. Nothing is more disappointing than thinking you've met a great guy who you connect with, have great conversation with and could see something with, only to meet and not have the physical connection. Not a good way to do things and it leads to hurt and disppointment, because you can't force things that don't work. There is nothing wrong with long distance relationships as long as you have met the person first and created a connection prior to do doing things from far away.
So we'll see how it all turns out. The 'what if I do like him' outcome is also stressing me out because then I'll have to deal with feelings and making decisions if there is long term potential. Ok I really need to shut my brain completely off and save myself from thinking. Regroup...I will go with the mindset that we are new friends getting to know each other more and then see where things go from there. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
A Possibility?
I find it strange that when I hit my most lonely moments all sorts of new opportunities emerge. Maybe some are those that should be left in the past but some are new ones that I could choose to run with. Case in point, Keil the army guy from Pendleton who on occassion we use Facebook to send messages back and forth. Finally he stepped it up and expressed actual interest and we have used every possible way of communication; Facebook, email, text, phone....now just have to do the most important one, in person.
He is a good looking, funny, easy to talk to, and we have a lot of common interests and life experiences. I would say some of our shared experiences are not my proudest moments and will be something to prevent from repeating but nice to know there is no judgement. It's made me realize I do a lot of double standards between me and guys, like its ok I've made mistakes but not ok if others have made the same ones. It is all a learning experience with a huge learning curve for me. One day I hope to get it right, but for the time being everyone will just be part of a very crazy experiment!
I'm most curious to see what happens when we meet. That's a tell-all for me. First to see if there is actual attraction and interest and how to proceed. Or maybe it will just be a wash, you never know until you meet. If things do go well then some slight distance can be a good thing to allow for communication without the distraction of attraction. Even without meeting I'm already summing an opinion of what I like and don't like about him. I do this every time I'm interested in someone and make quick assumptions of people and their potential with me. This could be the very problem that keeps me single! What I really should be doing is going in with just friends in mind and let things play themselves out. The friend mentality ignores little details that allows for really getting to know someone first before judging things about them that could affect a serious relationship.
All this in mind I just want to hurry up and meet just to know whether or not this is has potential before my little crazy mind steps in and makes a mess of it. Hopefully I'll have something to say about that soon!
He is a good looking, funny, easy to talk to, and we have a lot of common interests and life experiences. I would say some of our shared experiences are not my proudest moments and will be something to prevent from repeating but nice to know there is no judgement. It's made me realize I do a lot of double standards between me and guys, like its ok I've made mistakes but not ok if others have made the same ones. It is all a learning experience with a huge learning curve for me. One day I hope to get it right, but for the time being everyone will just be part of a very crazy experiment!
I'm most curious to see what happens when we meet. That's a tell-all for me. First to see if there is actual attraction and interest and how to proceed. Or maybe it will just be a wash, you never know until you meet. If things do go well then some slight distance can be a good thing to allow for communication without the distraction of attraction. Even without meeting I'm already summing an opinion of what I like and don't like about him. I do this every time I'm interested in someone and make quick assumptions of people and their potential with me. This could be the very problem that keeps me single! What I really should be doing is going in with just friends in mind and let things play themselves out. The friend mentality ignores little details that allows for really getting to know someone first before judging things about them that could affect a serious relationship.
All this in mind I just want to hurry up and meet just to know whether or not this is has potential before my little crazy mind steps in and makes a mess of it. Hopefully I'll have something to say about that soon!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Favorite Quote
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it up carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
C.S. Lewis
Where have I gone wrong?
This brings me to the question that I was asked by my date. What is it that I am doing that is preventing me from finding someone? Maybe a little harsh of a question but it got me thinking where have I gone wrong with dating. People seemed shocked that I'm still single, with no baggage and never really been in too serious of relationships. Let me say that I too wonder why this is. But his question allowed me to really think about it in a different way. When looking at the last 10 years what has been holding me back? Yes I've been naive and stupid and made some mistakes and had some crappy things happen to alter my view of dating but thats not a good enough reason. Why then, what have I've done to prevent things.....
Here is what I've discovered. Over the last 10 years here is what I was like. The first 5 years of going off to college I could have cared less about my appearance. I was the no makeup, sweatpants/pajama wearing, overweight girl. At the time I really could have cared less what people though of me and my looks but that was to my disadvantage. College is the prime time to be meeting potential guys and figuring out what you want and how to have relationships. With my attitude of not caring I'm sure that came across and the kind of people I attracted were ones who could prey on my insecurities. Those were rough years with some hard lessons to be learned. And it took until leaving the multi-options of college to get with the program. After I came back from college then I began to care. I lost a lot of weight, started wearing makeup and really began to care about how I dressed and looked. Lets just say my parents couldn't have been happier! With that much change I spent a long time away from dating. It was my time to regroup and make changes. Once I felt more put together I started to hang out with singles and joined an online dating site. This puts us at 2005 and the setback for the next 5ish years.
Yes options had lessened since leaving college but I was still finding ways to meet people and go on dates. Enter the next problem.... My first online date that I met in person would change the way everything would be in my life. I met Joe, a single father and from the moment we met I knew he was the 'one.' We dated, then things went too far, then we were friends. But regardless of what he was thinking things were or weren't I never faltered from the fact one day he would realize what a great thing he had and it would all work out. He was my best friend and we just fit so well. No matter if things were up or down with him I held out complete faith it would all work out. With the advice from others not to put all my eggs in one basket I continued to date other people. One in particular who was a great guy and wanted so much to have a relationship with me but I couldn't chose over Joe who I wanted more than anyone else. Needless to say I ruined other opportunities that came my way and never gave 100% to others. Joe was always in the back of my mind crippling all other chances. It took 4 years just to emotionally get over him, then another 2 years of being really good friends and still thinking he was just so great before it all came to an end. After me putting up with so much of his crap and it never being about me, he destroyed our friendship in one evenings worth of texts and that was that. Looking back now I see how I wasted the last 5 years of my 20s on someone who never wanted to be anything with me and took so much from me. It's my own fault that I was so blind to what everyone else already knew. But again I seem to like learning the hard way.
Which put us to last year where I finally had my first real relationship of a whole 3 months and was left completely broken and hesistant to ever put myself out there again. No one likes to be hurt and get their heart broken, so I'm not for trying to let that happen again. Now I am 30, past my prime dating years, still looking great as ever, more emotionally mature, independent and mostly a happy person living my life. Guys my age are usually looking for younger aged girls and I'm not too interested in 40 year olds yet who would like someone my age. Everyone seems to come with lots of baggage by this age and online dating is just an ugly mess. I don't live around a lot of singles and the opportunities to meet people seems to be over. I have thought long and hard on where I could potentially meet someone but at this point they either need to show up at my door or fall out of the sky. Good men were already hard find, try being in your 30s and still looking for them.
Anyway after all these years trying to explain to people why I made it through my 20s without finding someone, now I know and have an answer. Due to circumstances I let what could have been 10 good years of meeting, dating and learning about boys and myself, I missed out. They were not happy times for me but I am happy to close that door and move on to the next 10 years, hopefully with more success. Life is about learning and growing and I feel I am definitely going through that process. I'm still trying to work out my own little kinks and be my best possible self. I suppose I can only hope there is someone out there molding themselves into a wonderful but imperfect person that will be perfect for me.
Here is what I've discovered. Over the last 10 years here is what I was like. The first 5 years of going off to college I could have cared less about my appearance. I was the no makeup, sweatpants/pajama wearing, overweight girl. At the time I really could have cared less what people though of me and my looks but that was to my disadvantage. College is the prime time to be meeting potential guys and figuring out what you want and how to have relationships. With my attitude of not caring I'm sure that came across and the kind of people I attracted were ones who could prey on my insecurities. Those were rough years with some hard lessons to be learned. And it took until leaving the multi-options of college to get with the program. After I came back from college then I began to care. I lost a lot of weight, started wearing makeup and really began to care about how I dressed and looked. Lets just say my parents couldn't have been happier! With that much change I spent a long time away from dating. It was my time to regroup and make changes. Once I felt more put together I started to hang out with singles and joined an online dating site. This puts us at 2005 and the setback for the next 5ish years.
Yes options had lessened since leaving college but I was still finding ways to meet people and go on dates. Enter the next problem.... My first online date that I met in person would change the way everything would be in my life. I met Joe, a single father and from the moment we met I knew he was the 'one.' We dated, then things went too far, then we were friends. But regardless of what he was thinking things were or weren't I never faltered from the fact one day he would realize what a great thing he had and it would all work out. He was my best friend and we just fit so well. No matter if things were up or down with him I held out complete faith it would all work out. With the advice from others not to put all my eggs in one basket I continued to date other people. One in particular who was a great guy and wanted so much to have a relationship with me but I couldn't chose over Joe who I wanted more than anyone else. Needless to say I ruined other opportunities that came my way and never gave 100% to others. Joe was always in the back of my mind crippling all other chances. It took 4 years just to emotionally get over him, then another 2 years of being really good friends and still thinking he was just so great before it all came to an end. After me putting up with so much of his crap and it never being about me, he destroyed our friendship in one evenings worth of texts and that was that. Looking back now I see how I wasted the last 5 years of my 20s on someone who never wanted to be anything with me and took so much from me. It's my own fault that I was so blind to what everyone else already knew. But again I seem to like learning the hard way.
Which put us to last year where I finally had my first real relationship of a whole 3 months and was left completely broken and hesistant to ever put myself out there again. No one likes to be hurt and get their heart broken, so I'm not for trying to let that happen again. Now I am 30, past my prime dating years, still looking great as ever, more emotionally mature, independent and mostly a happy person living my life. Guys my age are usually looking for younger aged girls and I'm not too interested in 40 year olds yet who would like someone my age. Everyone seems to come with lots of baggage by this age and online dating is just an ugly mess. I don't live around a lot of singles and the opportunities to meet people seems to be over. I have thought long and hard on where I could potentially meet someone but at this point they either need to show up at my door or fall out of the sky. Good men were already hard find, try being in your 30s and still looking for them.
Anyway after all these years trying to explain to people why I made it through my 20s without finding someone, now I know and have an answer. Due to circumstances I let what could have been 10 good years of meeting, dating and learning about boys and myself, I missed out. They were not happy times for me but I am happy to close that door and move on to the next 10 years, hopefully with more success. Life is about learning and growing and I feel I am definitely going through that process. I'm still trying to work out my own little kinks and be my best possible self. I suppose I can only hope there is someone out there molding themselves into a wonderful but imperfect person that will be perfect for me.
The Date
For the first time in over a year I went out with someone from my own area. And three months since I've been on a date period. As always I am apprehensive as to the outcome but I went with an open mind. Tim turned out better looking than his online photos and played by the perfect date rules. He picked the resturant and movie, drove all the way to my house to pick me up and put forth all the effort that should be expected from a guy. Love when I don't have to do anything but show up and have a good time. We had a lot in common and conversation flowed well. Because we had met online he talked openly about other girls and we had a few good laughs about the creepers online. He would make a good friend to have to do things with but there were a few things that didn't work for me.
He has a bit of an attitude problem and hates a lot of things openly and verbally. The fact he absolutely hates Oregon and the weather and wishes he lived anywhere else kind of doesn't work for me. I love it here and I'm someone who goes with the flow and tries to be happy with things as they are. Tim does not have that same kind of thought process and could be very negative. I feel that could over time drag another person down, plus he was a little more openly wild with some of his choices that made me not miss my younger day experiences. But it was fun date regardless and someone new to get to know.
He has a bit of an attitude problem and hates a lot of things openly and verbally. The fact he absolutely hates Oregon and the weather and wishes he lived anywhere else kind of doesn't work for me. I love it here and I'm someone who goes with the flow and tries to be happy with things as they are. Tim does not have that same kind of thought process and could be very negative. I feel that could over time drag another person down, plus he was a little more openly wild with some of his choices that made me not miss my younger day experiences. But it was fun date regardless and someone new to get to know.
Monday, March 5, 2012
And it continues
Let me add a few more boys to the mix. There is Nick who grew up in the same area I did and surprisingly my family knows his family as do some of my other friends. It's more appealing to want to date someone where you know he comes from a great family, says something about the person. But his interest has seemed to die off as well. I don't know if its just the online, long distance thing but I can't keep a guys attention for the life of me. Maybe I'm doing something wrong or unknowingly scaring them away. I'd love to know what is the deal.
As promised I have ended the online site of creepiness (hurray) but then half joined Match.com so not entirely cutoff from online dating. I've decided that its not dating that I'm looking for, but attention. Online is just enough attention from boys without having to deal with the mess of dating them. But that time is about to come.
I have been asked out on a date from a guy online and I'm freaking out. I haven't been out with a guy since my summer romance with Zack that left me broken. I make a great first date, but I'm just not sure I'm ready for the stress that comes from dating new people. If it can stay in the 'friends zone' and no pressure then maybe it won't be so bad. I'll report after I've survived it. I should mention the guy, Tim actually lives in my area but seems to be kind of negative about life. Hates living in Oregon and wants more warm, sunny weather. Whereas I can't get enough of how awesome Oregon is and it would have to be a very amazing Mr. Right to get me to leave my life here. His profession is similar to Zack's and any resemblance to Zack always adds upset to the mix. We shall see how it goes.
Next I am still in contact with Scott and its just enough to keep ties there and hint at meeting and hanging again without being pushy. I still think I have interest there and would like another chance to see him again. Maybe there is a possibility, just need the opportunity to find out. I'm not ready to let this one go yet.
And Kiel from Southern Oregon. He has stepped things up a bit and shared that he is more than interested and wants to meet. Hopefully he'll man up and come visit me, since until you meet someone it just can't count and liking someone does not become real until face to face. I have to admit I might be a little interested, but we'll leave it at that.
Oh and Kelly has made contact again and we will probably hang out and go shooting. I should add the back story to this one. Meet online, then met in person and we connected as friends in a way that is hard to find. It was like I had always known him and could openingly talk about anything, no fear of judgement and truely could be myself. Meeting people like this is very rare and has only happen 2 other times in my life. Everyone needs a good guy friend, one who shows no interest as anything else and you see them that same way. I look forward to great, open conversation on our next outing.
There is a lot happening lately, especially for someone not dating so we'll see how it goes. Lately I have been feeling lonely and needing something to fill that void, hopefully these little tid bits with boys will help with that.
As promised I have ended the online site of creepiness (hurray) but then half joined Match.com so not entirely cutoff from online dating. I've decided that its not dating that I'm looking for, but attention. Online is just enough attention from boys without having to deal with the mess of dating them. But that time is about to come.
I have been asked out on a date from a guy online and I'm freaking out. I haven't been out with a guy since my summer romance with Zack that left me broken. I make a great first date, but I'm just not sure I'm ready for the stress that comes from dating new people. If it can stay in the 'friends zone' and no pressure then maybe it won't be so bad. I'll report after I've survived it. I should mention the guy, Tim actually lives in my area but seems to be kind of negative about life. Hates living in Oregon and wants more warm, sunny weather. Whereas I can't get enough of how awesome Oregon is and it would have to be a very amazing Mr. Right to get me to leave my life here. His profession is similar to Zack's and any resemblance to Zack always adds upset to the mix. We shall see how it goes.
Next I am still in contact with Scott and its just enough to keep ties there and hint at meeting and hanging again without being pushy. I still think I have interest there and would like another chance to see him again. Maybe there is a possibility, just need the opportunity to find out. I'm not ready to let this one go yet.
And Kiel from Southern Oregon. He has stepped things up a bit and shared that he is more than interested and wants to meet. Hopefully he'll man up and come visit me, since until you meet someone it just can't count and liking someone does not become real until face to face. I have to admit I might be a little interested, but we'll leave it at that.
Oh and Kelly has made contact again and we will probably hang out and go shooting. I should add the back story to this one. Meet online, then met in person and we connected as friends in a way that is hard to find. It was like I had always known him and could openingly talk about anything, no fear of judgement and truely could be myself. Meeting people like this is very rare and has only happen 2 other times in my life. Everyone needs a good guy friend, one who shows no interest as anything else and you see them that same way. I look forward to great, open conversation on our next outing.
There is a lot happening lately, especially for someone not dating so we'll see how it goes. Lately I have been feeling lonely and needing something to fill that void, hopefully these little tid bits with boys will help with that.
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