I have decided that I should actually truely go cold turkey on the whole not dating, including online dating. With the advice from coworkers, family and friends I'm going to truely give up dating 100% while I work on other parts of my life. And get some relief from all the annoying crap that goes on with online dating. After an amount of time has past I have concluded that I will restart dating in a new way.
I will only go on real dates with people who actually live near me. Online dating does not count as real dating. I need the opportunity to meet people face to face. Also I really want to stay living in Oregon and it would help if I spent my time dating people who actually lived here and not in states I have no desire to live in. With that said I also want to experiment with a new way of what dates are like. None of the usual dinner and a movie. Both are typical and don't allow for getting to know someone. Doing an activity allows for conversation and the opportunity to see how people interact with others.
I leave on that note for a brief pause in dating. Now just because I said I was stopping dating for awhile does not exclude all the random stuff that seems to happen with guys regardless. Be prepared for more stories and fun to come!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Even the nice ones...
To review I met a really nice guy online and over a 3 day period enjoyed being admired and flirted with. Sadly this came to abrupt end the day after Valentine's. We texted Wednesday morning about usual things then that evening I wished him a good night with no response. I waited several days then Saturday asked how his weekend was going? Again nothing. I have concluded that it has happened again and just as quickly as it started, the potential of something is now over. I could be really rational and give the benefit of the doubt that somehow he is really busy with something going on in his life, but really?!?!?! It is not that hard to send a quick text, so I accept that I got excited about this guy for nothing. Lesson learned, again! I really need to be much more reserved with my reaction to attention from guys regardless. I ask myself what is a good amount of time before waiting to allows myself to feel or become involved in the possibility of something, answer is I don't know. It is rather disappointing since this one seemed a little different from the others. Apparently even the nice ones can pull the same lame stunts as all the others. Good men really are hard to find!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Random Event #3 - the most exciting one!
Again I must repeat that I quit dating but somehow have stayed active on online dating sites, which I suppose goes against the not dating remark lol! Anyway after one month of paying for this particular site I was going to deactivate my account, until I missed the date and was charge a renewal fee for another month. In order to not feel like I had just thrown money away I would give it a chance for one month more. Funny enough that leads us into the most exciting random event yet. Again on a Sunday I received an email followed by another from a guy without a profile picture. Normally I would have deleted the email without even looking because there are enough weirdos that I can see with pictures, that I don't take the risk for those who don't post photos (obviously they have done that on purpose). Anyway because two messages had been sent it struck my curiosity. I opened with the second one to find it was a continuation of the first email, which was a very uplifting quote from President Hinckley regarding the worth and powerful importance of women. I found it to be an especially inspiring quote and then saw the emails author did indeed have photos, just not a primary one. Imagine my surprise when I see it is this tall, handsome guy in the picture. I clicked on his profile to learn more and found out he is a widower with a 15 month daughter, a 2 time cancer surviver and what I read made me want to know more.
And so I wrote him back thanking him for the quote, that I was impressed by his positive attitude with the trials in his life and that I wanted to get to know him better. His response was one of shock as he did not expect any response. Rather that I would think him a creep by the message or not even bother to read it. As we emailed back and forth I continued to grow more excited that here was a cute guy who seemed to be interested in getting to know me. I finished the evening of emailing by giving him my phone number so that we could continue another day. Imagine my shock when the next day I went to look him up and his profile, our emails, everything had ceased to exist. I have seen similar things by creepers who would get, on send lots of weird or inappropriate things then delete their accounts. I was devastated that this guy could be like that, he seemed so open and sweet, how could I have been so wrong. I figured he had my number so there might be some hope of contact in the future.
This made it a hard day, but he did text. I text to ask him how his day went with no response. Ugh another disappointment! That night after running my frustations out at the gym he text back and then we began an evening of texting and getting to know each other. And yes he did explain the issue with the online profile and it just wasn't working right, that worked for me. I should mention that his name is Clark, 27 and father of a beautiful girl. I asked the fun questions and some more hard personal questions. He is the oldest of 11 girls and could very well be the most understanding man on the planet! With that he is also one of those guys who uses terms of endearment when talking to me. Usually remarks like beautiful, sweetie, princess are a complete turn off because they are used as a guys way of getting something he wants from you. But the way he uses them in his texts seem to be nothing more as his way to show his interest and to make me feel special, so its working.
The next day was Valentine's Day (oh joy!) and we talked again that night via texts and began to discuss things we were looking for in a mate. Unless I'm just completely being taken on a ride, I see a potentially good thing happening here. Yes I can be a cynic about so much relating to dating and love, and for good reason. I've had enough horrible experiences of being hurt and used I have learned to be more cautious and closed to feeling certain emotions. But try as I might it only takes feeling a connection with a guy to turn me back into a giddy 12 year old girl. I giggle, tell all my friends and feel like I am the most amazing person ever. So much for being closed to dating and love and feeling. I might regret this like so many others but it seems to be impossible to not go running into the sunset, even just for a moment before I hit the wall of reality. Having a conversation with a boy that shares similar interests and gives all indications that he is really into me changes everything. I should admit there is a part of me that prays this could be the 'one' but another voice one of reason, ration and past experiences is telling me to feel nothing and save myself from the cliff ahead. I suppose if everyone did the latter no one would find love. But honestly I quit dating as a way to get away from this and here I am throwing myself right at it again. I swear online dating is even worse because until you meet them in person you can fantasize all you want about the potential until you meet and find out what is really there. When you date the normal way you can figure this out in on the first date rather than spend months of creating a connection with someone you might not have a real in person connection with.
So that is where things are for now. We'll see what another day of conversation will do and where this could lead. Like my favorite quote....'who knows, lightening could strike!' Maybe my turn is coming soon:)
And so I wrote him back thanking him for the quote, that I was impressed by his positive attitude with the trials in his life and that I wanted to get to know him better. His response was one of shock as he did not expect any response. Rather that I would think him a creep by the message or not even bother to read it. As we emailed back and forth I continued to grow more excited that here was a cute guy who seemed to be interested in getting to know me. I finished the evening of emailing by giving him my phone number so that we could continue another day. Imagine my shock when the next day I went to look him up and his profile, our emails, everything had ceased to exist. I have seen similar things by creepers who would get, on send lots of weird or inappropriate things then delete their accounts. I was devastated that this guy could be like that, he seemed so open and sweet, how could I have been so wrong. I figured he had my number so there might be some hope of contact in the future.
This made it a hard day, but he did text. I text to ask him how his day went with no response. Ugh another disappointment! That night after running my frustations out at the gym he text back and then we began an evening of texting and getting to know each other. And yes he did explain the issue with the online profile and it just wasn't working right, that worked for me. I should mention that his name is Clark, 27 and father of a beautiful girl. I asked the fun questions and some more hard personal questions. He is the oldest of 11 girls and could very well be the most understanding man on the planet! With that he is also one of those guys who uses terms of endearment when talking to me. Usually remarks like beautiful, sweetie, princess are a complete turn off because they are used as a guys way of getting something he wants from you. But the way he uses them in his texts seem to be nothing more as his way to show his interest and to make me feel special, so its working.
The next day was Valentine's Day (oh joy!) and we talked again that night via texts and began to discuss things we were looking for in a mate. Unless I'm just completely being taken on a ride, I see a potentially good thing happening here. Yes I can be a cynic about so much relating to dating and love, and for good reason. I've had enough horrible experiences of being hurt and used I have learned to be more cautious and closed to feeling certain emotions. But try as I might it only takes feeling a connection with a guy to turn me back into a giddy 12 year old girl. I giggle, tell all my friends and feel like I am the most amazing person ever. So much for being closed to dating and love and feeling. I might regret this like so many others but it seems to be impossible to not go running into the sunset, even just for a moment before I hit the wall of reality. Having a conversation with a boy that shares similar interests and gives all indications that he is really into me changes everything. I should admit there is a part of me that prays this could be the 'one' but another voice one of reason, ration and past experiences is telling me to feel nothing and save myself from the cliff ahead. I suppose if everyone did the latter no one would find love. But honestly I quit dating as a way to get away from this and here I am throwing myself right at it again. I swear online dating is even worse because until you meet them in person you can fantasize all you want about the potential until you meet and find out what is really there. When you date the normal way you can figure this out in on the first date rather than spend months of creating a connection with someone you might not have a real in person connection with.
So that is where things are for now. We'll see what another day of conversation will do and where this could lead. Like my favorite quote....'who knows, lightening could strike!' Maybe my turn is coming soon:)
Random Event #2
Ok so there is definitely something about Sundays and Mondays that brings randomness into my life. There was the IM Ryan, but it started with getting a text message from Scott the doctor from Arizona that I met, spent three consecutive dates with but then no effort was made after to meet again. It was nice to text and after a good day of that I did throw out there that it would be fun to come visit for a little weekend vacation of hiking, site seeing, etc and he seemed to take it pretty well. For that one I think only time will tell. He is in a very hectic, busy time in his life where there is not a lot of room for time with someone. So I will semi-wait to see what happens.
Back to random #2, the ex of last summer's fling texted me to say hi. I should give a little background that we had met at the gym and saw each other daily and flirted for about a year. He had a girlfriend so there were no expectations and I could just be completely myself, sweaty working out and all. There was no chance to date him so we became good friends. Last summer after not seeing/talking to him in about 6 months, he informs me it had ended with the girlfriend and he is single and wants to hang out. Granted our first date was 3 days after his breakup and that should have been an indicator for future events. But for the next three months I had never been happier, felt adored and special and finally got the closest I ever have to a relationship. But when I pushed for full exclusivity I was met with resisitance from him to try the single life. That's the problem with being a rebound, they are not ready for another relationship that soon. Things went from great to just unexpectedly over, without an explaination. Don't think I have ever cried that much. I finally got so close to a mutual, caring relationship with a guy I wanted to be with, who likewise wanted to be with me and it ended. What was harder is that nothing was bad, just an abrupt end. I found out a few months later, after a lot of crying, that some things had happened and he was trying again to make it work with the ex. I saw him a day before my birthday as a goodbye I suppose, only to realize there was still something there between us that there was no longer anything that could be done. A month later he proposed to his girlfriend and that put an official end to it.
So I could not have been more surprised by the text. We caught up, laughed over some inside jokes and then again went down the road of I miss you, wish I could re-live those times, excited and panic about getting married and the pressure of that, so just putting out there that I still want you vibe. (Can I interject in this story to say that sometimes boys can be the most irritating thing ever) Luckily with this conversation it was made apparent that I have indeed gotten over the past and the hurt was no longer there. Yes, we could be just friends now and move on with our own lives. What we had was amazing and I hope to find a part of that with someone else. The end of that relationship caused a crucial turning point in my life that I can now look back and see all outcomes were meant to be.
Back to random #2, the ex of last summer's fling texted me to say hi. I should give a little background that we had met at the gym and saw each other daily and flirted for about a year. He had a girlfriend so there were no expectations and I could just be completely myself, sweaty working out and all. There was no chance to date him so we became good friends. Last summer after not seeing/talking to him in about 6 months, he informs me it had ended with the girlfriend and he is single and wants to hang out. Granted our first date was 3 days after his breakup and that should have been an indicator for future events. But for the next three months I had never been happier, felt adored and special and finally got the closest I ever have to a relationship. But when I pushed for full exclusivity I was met with resisitance from him to try the single life. That's the problem with being a rebound, they are not ready for another relationship that soon. Things went from great to just unexpectedly over, without an explaination. Don't think I have ever cried that much. I finally got so close to a mutual, caring relationship with a guy I wanted to be with, who likewise wanted to be with me and it ended. What was harder is that nothing was bad, just an abrupt end. I found out a few months later, after a lot of crying, that some things had happened and he was trying again to make it work with the ex. I saw him a day before my birthday as a goodbye I suppose, only to realize there was still something there between us that there was no longer anything that could be done. A month later he proposed to his girlfriend and that put an official end to it.
So I could not have been more surprised by the text. We caught up, laughed over some inside jokes and then again went down the road of I miss you, wish I could re-live those times, excited and panic about getting married and the pressure of that, so just putting out there that I still want you vibe. (Can I interject in this story to say that sometimes boys can be the most irritating thing ever) Luckily with this conversation it was made apparent that I have indeed gotten over the past and the hurt was no longer there. Yes, we could be just friends now and move on with our own lives. What we had was amazing and I hope to find a part of that with someone else. The end of that relationship caused a crucial turning point in my life that I can now look back and see all outcomes were meant to be.
Oh the Drama...
I should put in a little note saying that I've chosen to not date for awhile. I've been thinking 6 months would be a good break and that I could use that time to focus on other aspects of my life and remove all the drama and the emotional rollercoaster that comes from dating. Surprisingly my quitting dating has cause some of the most random events to occur.
Last week while on Facebook I got an IM from an old friend named Ryan. I met him while doing the Hill Cumorah Pageant in 2006 and really liked him minus the fact he was 6 years younger than me and had just graduated high school. After Pageant I definitely could feel the age gap as he told funny stories from high school and I had already been out of college for a few years. Granted I went to his farewell and wrote him all of his mission. When he got back we spoke over the phone and I just wasn't ready or willing to make the effort at that time in my life. He was just too young and we both needed to grow up. My life carried on as single and he met someone, got married and had a baby. So there is the background story, now back to last week.
Anyway I was surprised to have gotten the IM since it had been over 6 years, but it was nice to catch up with what's going on in each of our lives. Plus it allowed for the older, more mature versions of ourselves to be honest about past feelings and such. Apparently he had no idea I had been interested at all after Pageant so he never pushed things. It's amazing now as a more mature, enlightened adult how much I had or did wrong in my 20s. If I could change anything about my life it would be to have the mental maturity of 30 throughout my 20s. I think my life would have turned out very differently and I would have taken other paths.
Ok back to topic, so Ryan and I caught up and he told me that things were not going well in his marriage and his wife was talking about leaving. I found this news to be especially sad, as they have a child and you hate to see things end in divorce. Going back to single is never a happy solution to a problem, just a bigger problem! I was troubled after our conversation. Partly because I felt bad his marriage was having issues, because he still could like me (and could I like him?) It never ceases to amaze me that people I've dated have moved on, gotten married, had children, divorced and are now back on the market for me to choose from. How is this possible? I get a range of 5-10 years of growing up time and then can have the opportunity to re-date old flames? My life has not changed that much, everyone elses sure has, but now we are all back to the same point of single. Go figure!
After the conversation with Ryan I did have one nagging comment in the back of my mind...Why do people get married? I mean yes, people fall in love and so they get married but there has to be more reasons that that to commit the rest of your lifetime to someone. Was it for security, not to be alone, because they made you laugh, got your personality, because you felt forced or it was expected from society. What is that 'thing' about someone that you both feel and realize you want to spend your lives together. The divorce rate is over 50% these days so marriages are obviously not working out. And is that because they are not willing to fight for each other, or they just didn't really think when they said yes.
I come from a culture were people get married young. It just seems expected you go to college, meet someone, get married and start a family. Now understand I am all for this route, but it just didn't happen for me like that. I turned 30 as single as I was in my 20s, no husband in sight. But as I have watched many of my friends marriages fail and some fail through several marriages it makes me think....what is it about those people they married that they said yes to to begin with, because it didn't work out? This topic has inspired me to look further into it and build on some research to get a better idea of an answer to the question. After I learn and research some more I will come back to this.
For now it was nice to catch up with a friend and a random event #1.
Last week while on Facebook I got an IM from an old friend named Ryan. I met him while doing the Hill Cumorah Pageant in 2006 and really liked him minus the fact he was 6 years younger than me and had just graduated high school. After Pageant I definitely could feel the age gap as he told funny stories from high school and I had already been out of college for a few years. Granted I went to his farewell and wrote him all of his mission. When he got back we spoke over the phone and I just wasn't ready or willing to make the effort at that time in my life. He was just too young and we both needed to grow up. My life carried on as single and he met someone, got married and had a baby. So there is the background story, now back to last week.
Anyway I was surprised to have gotten the IM since it had been over 6 years, but it was nice to catch up with what's going on in each of our lives. Plus it allowed for the older, more mature versions of ourselves to be honest about past feelings and such. Apparently he had no idea I had been interested at all after Pageant so he never pushed things. It's amazing now as a more mature, enlightened adult how much I had or did wrong in my 20s. If I could change anything about my life it would be to have the mental maturity of 30 throughout my 20s. I think my life would have turned out very differently and I would have taken other paths.
Ok back to topic, so Ryan and I caught up and he told me that things were not going well in his marriage and his wife was talking about leaving. I found this news to be especially sad, as they have a child and you hate to see things end in divorce. Going back to single is never a happy solution to a problem, just a bigger problem! I was troubled after our conversation. Partly because I felt bad his marriage was having issues, because he still could like me (and could I like him?) It never ceases to amaze me that people I've dated have moved on, gotten married, had children, divorced and are now back on the market for me to choose from. How is this possible? I get a range of 5-10 years of growing up time and then can have the opportunity to re-date old flames? My life has not changed that much, everyone elses sure has, but now we are all back to the same point of single. Go figure!
After the conversation with Ryan I did have one nagging comment in the back of my mind...Why do people get married? I mean yes, people fall in love and so they get married but there has to be more reasons that that to commit the rest of your lifetime to someone. Was it for security, not to be alone, because they made you laugh, got your personality, because you felt forced or it was expected from society. What is that 'thing' about someone that you both feel and realize you want to spend your lives together. The divorce rate is over 50% these days so marriages are obviously not working out. And is that because they are not willing to fight for each other, or they just didn't really think when they said yes.
I come from a culture were people get married young. It just seems expected you go to college, meet someone, get married and start a family. Now understand I am all for this route, but it just didn't happen for me like that. I turned 30 as single as I was in my 20s, no husband in sight. But as I have watched many of my friends marriages fail and some fail through several marriages it makes me think....what is it about those people they married that they said yes to to begin with, because it didn't work out? This topic has inspired me to look further into it and build on some research to get a better idea of an answer to the question. After I learn and research some more I will come back to this.
For now it was nice to catch up with a friend and a random event #1.
Updates
Ok so picking up where we left off. Sadly in the world of online dating one day you are talking to a bunch a different people and the next, silence and it's over. Several guys have fallen off the radar completely. Including father of two Jeff and Jesse. Michael on occasion will like my status on facebook or send me an email.
Those still left are Eli the 24 year old and Kiel the guy from Pendleton both of which whom I text with occasionally. Both seem to be really nice and would love the opportunity to meet them in person and get to know them better.
Those still left are Eli the 24 year old and Kiel the guy from Pendleton both of which whom I text with occasionally. Both seem to be really nice and would love the opportunity to meet them in person and get to know them better.
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