I had forgotten about this blog and posting how my dating life is going. I wished I had remembered so I could account for all the changes going on between Kyle and I. It's not the same to write about things after the fact because the feelings change constantly from each experience. As a quick catch up, we got the house all put together. I got to meet Kyle's parents who are amazing and I loved. Kyle made it official that we are girlfriend/boyfriend becasue I had met the parents and gotten their approval. After they left things were wonderful. We continue to work on the house and I have started to bring some things over. It only took a few weeks but eventually I stopped hiding the things I had in the house. Mostly I was trying not to over step my bounds and take over the house with my own things. Kyle on the other hand could not figure out why I didn't just bring things over. This would be where we differed in how we percieved things. I've also been buying groceries and we make dinner together. He grills and I make a mean salad! We have since had quite a few 'talks' many relating to religion and children that we ae working through finding a compromise that will make everyone happy. Kyle knows who he is and what he wants, now I need to find out where I stand so that I can say what I want.
I love that Kyle talks about the future with me included. He calls it 'our' house, we talk about raising kids and he wants my input on the house. I feel so included that I know I'm important and matter. Hopefully I can be open with my thoughts and feelings, although sometimes I don't know what I want. Kyle's birthday is coming up and I can't wait. I have the night all planned out with dinner and gifts.
The day of Kyle's birthday has arrived. He had a great day at work where his coworkers made him a cake with his face on it. I was still working on his second gift and got behind and was late getting to his house. As usual I got all flustered and apologetic that we were late for our reservation. Luckily I was able to push it back and once we got there all was well. I took him to The Melting Pot since he had never been. Dinner was amazing, I felt so in love and happy and Kyle said it was the best dinner ever and the best birthday he had ever had. The evening was perfect! We drove home and I gave him his gifts, the jacket he's been wanting and his family crest I had framed. He was speakless on the second gift and I knew I had done well. Truely his best birthday ever followed by lots of love. He commented how could he top this for my birthday...I could think of something I really want that's sparkly ;)
Time moves on and life settled down. Our evenings usually consist of dinner, TV and sleep. There have been a few off days and I'm starting to struggle with being open. When Kyle seems upset or cranky I worry that things are not good and then panic and don't want to push the issue or talk about more difficult topics. I have gotten quieter and am afraid to bring things up for fear of losing what I have. We still sit down and have talks and I'm not sure I'm getting my point across. Sometimes I need more time to think things over and to figure out what I want, but I don't tell Kyle that. A week before Kyle leaves for vacation we have a really serious talk where he expresses some of his concerns and I struggle to make sense of things. He asked where I saw our relationship going and I was unprepared to respond. I told him that I thought things were great and heading in the right, more serious direction and that I loved him. This was followed by him saying he wasn't ready to say it and that he had some concerns of me not being open and discussing things about myself and what I want. He seemed fine by the next day but I felt distressed for the rest of the week and really pulled back. The morning he left he had back to his old loving self and I thought we were good.
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