I should put in a little note saying that I've chosen to not date for awhile. I've been thinking 6 months would be a good break and that I could use that time to focus on other aspects of my life and remove all the drama and the emotional rollercoaster that comes from dating. Surprisingly my quitting dating has cause some of the most random events to occur.
Last week while on Facebook I got an IM from an old friend named Ryan. I met him while doing the Hill Cumorah Pageant in 2006 and really liked him minus the fact he was 6 years younger than me and had just graduated high school. After Pageant I definitely could feel the age gap as he told funny stories from high school and I had already been out of college for a few years. Granted I went to his farewell and wrote him all of his mission. When he got back we spoke over the phone and I just wasn't ready or willing to make the effort at that time in my life. He was just too young and we both needed to grow up. My life carried on as single and he met someone, got married and had a baby. So there is the background story, now back to last week.
Anyway I was surprised to have gotten the IM since it had been over 6 years, but it was nice to catch up with what's going on in each of our lives. Plus it allowed for the older, more mature versions of ourselves to be honest about past feelings and such. Apparently he had no idea I had been interested at all after Pageant so he never pushed things. It's amazing now as a more mature, enlightened adult how much I had or did wrong in my 20s. If I could change anything about my life it would be to have the mental maturity of 30 throughout my 20s. I think my life would have turned out very differently and I would have taken other paths.
Ok back to topic, so Ryan and I caught up and he told me that things were not going well in his marriage and his wife was talking about leaving. I found this news to be especially sad, as they have a child and you hate to see things end in divorce. Going back to single is never a happy solution to a problem, just a bigger problem! I was troubled after our conversation. Partly because I felt bad his marriage was having issues, because he still could like me (and could I like him?) It never ceases to amaze me that people I've dated have moved on, gotten married, had children, divorced and are now back on the market for me to choose from. How is this possible? I get a range of 5-10 years of growing up time and then can have the opportunity to re-date old flames? My life has not changed that much, everyone elses sure has, but now we are all back to the same point of single. Go figure!
After the conversation with Ryan I did have one nagging comment in the back of my mind...Why do people get married? I mean yes, people fall in love and so they get married but there has to be more reasons that that to commit the rest of your lifetime to someone. Was it for security, not to be alone, because they made you laugh, got your personality, because you felt forced or it was expected from society. What is that 'thing' about someone that you both feel and realize you want to spend your lives together. The divorce rate is over 50% these days so marriages are obviously not working out. And is that because they are not willing to fight for each other, or they just didn't really think when they said yes.
I come from a culture were people get married young. It just seems expected you go to college, meet someone, get married and start a family. Now understand I am all for this route, but it just didn't happen for me like that. I turned 30 as single as I was in my 20s, no husband in sight. But as I have watched many of my friends marriages fail and some fail through several marriages it makes me think....what is it about those people they married that they said yes to to begin with, because it didn't work out? This topic has inspired me to look further into it and build on some research to get a better idea of an answer to the question. After I learn and research some more I will come back to this.
For now it was nice to catch up with a friend and a random event #1.
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