Again I must repeat that I quit dating but somehow have stayed active on online dating sites, which I suppose goes against the not dating remark lol! Anyway after one month of paying for this particular site I was going to deactivate my account, until I missed the date and was charge a renewal fee for another month. In order to not feel like I had just thrown money away I would give it a chance for one month more. Funny enough that leads us into the most exciting random event yet. Again on a Sunday I received an email followed by another from a guy without a profile picture. Normally I would have deleted the email without even looking because there are enough weirdos that I can see with pictures, that I don't take the risk for those who don't post photos (obviously they have done that on purpose). Anyway because two messages had been sent it struck my curiosity. I opened with the second one to find it was a continuation of the first email, which was a very uplifting quote from President Hinckley regarding the worth and powerful importance of women. I found it to be an especially inspiring quote and then saw the emails author did indeed have photos, just not a primary one. Imagine my surprise when I see it is this tall, handsome guy in the picture. I clicked on his profile to learn more and found out he is a widower with a 15 month daughter, a 2 time cancer surviver and what I read made me want to know more.
And so I wrote him back thanking him for the quote, that I was impressed by his positive attitude with the trials in his life and that I wanted to get to know him better. His response was one of shock as he did not expect any response. Rather that I would think him a creep by the message or not even bother to read it. As we emailed back and forth I continued to grow more excited that here was a cute guy who seemed to be interested in getting to know me. I finished the evening of emailing by giving him my phone number so that we could continue another day. Imagine my shock when the next day I went to look him up and his profile, our emails, everything had ceased to exist. I have seen similar things by creepers who would get, on send lots of weird or inappropriate things then delete their accounts. I was devastated that this guy could be like that, he seemed so open and sweet, how could I have been so wrong. I figured he had my number so there might be some hope of contact in the future.
This made it a hard day, but he did text. I text to ask him how his day went with no response. Ugh another disappointment! That night after running my frustations out at the gym he text back and then we began an evening of texting and getting to know each other. And yes he did explain the issue with the online profile and it just wasn't working right, that worked for me. I should mention that his name is Clark, 27 and father of a beautiful girl. I asked the fun questions and some more hard personal questions. He is the oldest of 11 girls and could very well be the most understanding man on the planet! With that he is also one of those guys who uses terms of endearment when talking to me. Usually remarks like beautiful, sweetie, princess are a complete turn off because they are used as a guys way of getting something he wants from you. But the way he uses them in his texts seem to be nothing more as his way to show his interest and to make me feel special, so its working.
The next day was Valentine's Day (oh joy!) and we talked again that night via texts and began to discuss things we were looking for in a mate. Unless I'm just completely being taken on a ride, I see a potentially good thing happening here. Yes I can be a cynic about so much relating to dating and love, and for good reason. I've had enough horrible experiences of being hurt and used I have learned to be more cautious and closed to feeling certain emotions. But try as I might it only takes feeling a connection with a guy to turn me back into a giddy 12 year old girl. I giggle, tell all my friends and feel like I am the most amazing person ever. So much for being closed to dating and love and feeling. I might regret this like so many others but it seems to be impossible to not go running into the sunset, even just for a moment before I hit the wall of reality. Having a conversation with a boy that shares similar interests and gives all indications that he is really into me changes everything. I should admit there is a part of me that prays this could be the 'one' but another voice one of reason, ration and past experiences is telling me to feel nothing and save myself from the cliff ahead. I suppose if everyone did the latter no one would find love. But honestly I quit dating as a way to get away from this and here I am throwing myself right at it again. I swear online dating is even worse because until you meet them in person you can fantasize all you want about the potential until you meet and find out what is really there. When you date the normal way you can figure this out in on the first date rather than spend months of creating a connection with someone you might not have a real in person connection with.
So that is where things are for now. We'll see what another day of conversation will do and where this could lead. Like my favorite quote....'who knows, lightening could strike!' Maybe my turn is coming soon:)
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