Patience

Todays topic is one I struggle with but only in male relationships.  In the rest of my life I am one of the most patient people.  Maybe slightly less than I was in my youth, but I'm still calm and relaxed most of the time.  This being said it frustrates me that I can't seem to have patience when it comes to dating and men.  I can put up with so much and have great tolerance, but it's non-existant when I date.  To wait for a guy to pursue, text, call, etc, yeah I fail time and again.  I worry, stress, become impatient to the point I've mess up things by panicking too much.  I just finished re-reading one of my favorite dating books Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus On a Date.  It is possibly the best book ever for the  right steps to dating and how to deal the the behaviors from the opposite sex.  My approach has been wrong, hence my lack of success in dating. With this knowledge I want to be able to apply it to life with the hope that by correcting some bad habits I can find the right guy and create a lasting relationship.

Some habits are just hard to break, patience being my big one.  When I'm with a guy I'm sure of things and can stay that way for a while but then I begin to doubt and worry which in turn makes me become needy and clingy in the relationship which causes the guy to pull away.  With this new outlook on life and maturity I want to do things the right way with new Kyle, starting with being patient and letting him pursue me.  But I must also be aware that when I stop pursuing and the guy is not making any moves that means he is not interested enough to make the effort and I should move on.  This is usually where I fail because I don't wait for the guy, then I pursue so they go along with it and I think they like me when in reality I've made myself an easy hangout/hookup not that they truely have feelings for me.  Then when it does end, I'm crushed because I liked them so much and I thought they liked me but really it was just the circumstance.  When I finally find the right one I want to know that they did the work to catch me and want me over everyone else.

It's easy to say I'm going to be more patient, but putting it into practice is much harder.  It's been 2 weeks since I spoke to Kyle on the phone and it was the last time we've had any contact.  He has been away on trips the last 2 weekends, so I know he's been busy.  I know that he will make contact based on the conversations we have had.  Timing might not be quite right as he is newly out of a relationship and not ready to start a new one.  I'm more than ready to start one but for the two of us the time might not be right now.  What's not to say in a few months timing could be better.  Question is, can I be that patient?  I still go on dates with other people so I'm not holding out for him, but he is the only guy I've really liked since old Kyle, which makes him special and worth waiting for, for now.  I've been really strong about waiting until yesterday when I hit the 2 week mark and now feel that desire to break the silence.  Of course I know that would be a huge mistake.  I want someone who will make the effort and I can't pursue, period!  I usually give myself an end date where then I can break the rule and make contact but with him I worry that would be a mistake.  Maybe he's too busy and just not thinking about it, but that's not what I want.  Sometimes people need a nudge, but because of all my dating issues I think I need to follow all the rules, even if I feel I should do something different.  My way has been nothing but failure so I have nothing to lose by trying a new approach.  I need to pull myself together, be strong and fill up my mind and time with other things to keep me occupied. That way instead of feeling like I'm waiting, all I'm really doing is living a good, full life where wonderful things happen.

I learn more about myself every day and I who I am.  Now I want someone to know me and love me and that is worth waiting and being patient.  The reward will be great!