A Possibility?

Well first I should state that I ended up going out with Kyle.  I was shocked he followed through but I went over to his house, got the updated tour and then we saw a movie.  I was not sure how this would go and was incredibly nervous.  But it seemed like how it always is, he didn't even pay for my movie so this could not even be considered a date, so we will call it friends hanging out.  Which I should say made everything easier as there is nothing to discuss or hash over.  Two friends caught up and saw a funny movie and nothing else.  I knew I was meeting someone new Saturday and wasn't sure I wanted to throw Kyle in the mix, but it was the closure needed to know that there is not a second act for us and I can walk away completely.

On to Saturday's date.  First I should start by saying Josiah and I have been talking for weeks via email, text and phone calls.  It's a little hard when you know someone so well prior to meeting them for the first time because it sets up expectations.  I knew exactly where he was coming from but I was unsure. Until I meet someone I cannot make to full assessment of what I think.  I started stressing before heading down to meet him hoping that I would like him because I knew he liked me.  Thank goodness the attraction was there.  We drove a ways and hiked down to the river to fish.  Didn't catch anything but it was more the experience and getting to spend time together.  As luck would have it there was wind, thunder and rain.  The weather could not have been more perfect.  I'm happy to say I was well kissed in the rain!  We headed back and he cooked me a great Chinook dinner.  We talked, stared at each other and got to know each other better.  It was a really great date. 

I'll admit having a guy crazy about me has me freaked out.  I was all in my new world of open-minded and being relaxed and for some reason I lost all of that.  For two people who have only had one date I know more about him that most people.  He was very open about himself and his past and the judgemental part of me is up in arms as to why this won't work.  How dare I be so severe!  I have met a guy crazy over me and willing to do anything to secure my happiness and love and I'm worrying about past things.  Now is the fun parts where you just spend time together learning to connect and getting to know each other.  I should not think or worry about anything.  He has been insanely patient waiting for me to realize I can let myself feel and to stop being ridiculous about silly things.  He does not fit my 'perfect' mold of a person and I'm fighting past decisions he has made.  But who is to say that he is not looking for something different in his life and I could be that person to make him want to be better.  I can't change anyone, you can only change yourself, but perhaps with the right direction it could be amazing.  Anyone has the potential to be better and improve the person they are.  Why I am holding back due to fear of his past or fear of feeling again is crazy, now is the time to discover and test the waters and see what could happen.  He won't backdown and so I need to find that box locked deep within and figure out how to allow my feelings and emotions to release themselves and retrain how to connect with a man again.

He and I are from two very different worlds in ways we grew up and interests and yet we seem to have found commonalities in the middle of all that.  I'm holding back and stressing out and need to let go of my control and just let things happen.  This will be a relationship and only time will prove what the outcome will be.  I said I wanted a summer fling and its here in front of me, although he wants a lifetime, we will see if that is where this continues to.  He pointed out that he is just waiting for me to dive in and that he could not be more obvious of what is right in front of me.  A potential relationship has fallen in my lap and it is up to me to grab it, mend my heart and step into the next adventure.